


A very vampire-y castle

by Big_ball_of_anxiety_and_cake



Series: Sooo, I talked to my sister again... [3]
Category: Green Day
Genre: Crack, Gen, Mike knows something is weird about this, Tré being Tré, Vampires, lots of garlick
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:22:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26494819
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Big_ball_of_anxiety_and_cake/pseuds/Big_ball_of_anxiety_and_cake
Summary: Mike goes to a vampire's castle. The vampire has bright green hair, a cauldron and more garlick than strictly necessary.Something is off about this.
Relationships: Mike Dirnt & Tré Cool
Series: Sooo, I talked to my sister again... [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1910908
Kudos: 2





	A very vampire-y castle

**Author's Note:**

  * For [walking_contradiction42](https://archiveofourown.org/users/walking_contradiction42/gifts).



> I did not actually talk to my sister about this but she cleary has psychic powers and broadcasted this idea straight into my head.  
> I absolutely blame her for this.

It was a dark night and the windows of the old, spooky castle glittered ominously in the silver moon light. 

Granted, the plastic spider webs and smiling pumpkins kinda ruined the atmosphere but it was still pretty spooky. As it should be, after all the people in the nearby town believed a vampire lived there. Mike hadn’t believed that. He’d gone there anyway.

Now he was being pressed against the wall by a figure in a long, velvety coat, as dark as the night that swished dramatically whenever his owner turned. The man had sharp teeth that glinted in a dull white. At closer inspection, they did not look very real. His eyes were rimmed with dark eyeliner and his hair was bright green for some reason.

The hair thing was a bit confusing honestly but he was still obviously a vampire. He laughed manically and spoke with a slight lisp as if he wasn’t quite used to the long teeth.

,,Haha! You walked right into my trap, fool! Didn’t the townsfolk tell you that a vampire lives here? Muhahaha!“

Mike was not impressed. The man was pressing him against the wall with all his weight and held a long, wooden staff with mysterious engravings to his throat. This didn’t bother Mike. He knew he could get out easily if he wanted to. The guy’s balance was off and he kept hopping up and down as if he couldn’t stand still for more than a second. It was kinda annoying. Weren’t vampires supposed to be as still as a corpse? They were dead after all. This guy definitely had a heartbeat tough. Mike could see it pulsing in the vein at his throat. Mike licked his lips and tilted his head thoughtfully.

Something was not right here.

His eyes danced around the room and he looked at the walls that were covered in garlick and wooden stakes that were drenched in a red liquid that smelled weirdly chemical and not like blood at all. It was also dripping down and absolutely ruining the carpet. There was a large metal cauldron in one corner and books were strewn all over the floor. Pictures of serious people in weird clothing gazed disapprovingly at him from the wall. They all had sharp teeth even if most of them seemed to be drawn with tooth paste. All windows were curtainless.

Something was off about the room. It felt a bit too vampire-y. Almost everything had a connection to vampires but it wasn’t exactly the kind of stuff you expected a vampire to keep around his house. The room seemed more like a hastily thrown together Halloween attraction than an honest vampire nest. Like someone had just crammed the room full of stuff that screamed vampire but hadn’t thought about what they actually meant.

,,You know, vampires actually hate garlick“, Mike said conversationally.

The vampire seemed surprised. ,,They do?“

,,Yes, absolutely despise it. And the stakes? You kill vampires with those! Why would a vampire keep them around? And then there’s the curtains. Vampires die in sunlight. A true vampire would have heavy curtains that block out all light.“

The not-really-vampire scratched his head.

,,I did not think this through“, he admitted.

,,I’m guessing you’re actually a mage? The cauldron and spell books kinda give it away. Not to mention the wand.“

The mage let go of him and looked at the very mage-y staff in his hands. Then he looked at the rest of the room. His shoulders dropped unhappily and he sighed.

,,You’re right. I’m actually Tre the Weird. When I first finished magic school, everyone suddenly wanted my help. I didn’t have a minute to myself! I couldn’t bear it. So I did this and they finally left me alone. Didn’t do a very good job tough.“

Mike awkwardly reached out and patted Tre’s shoulder.

,,Hey, don’t worry. I’ll help you turn this into a real vampire nest! We’ll get some curtains, a coffin, some better fake teeth and get rid of all the garlick. It really smells awful in here but we can fix that. Soon nobody will doubt your vampire-y-ness and they’ll all leave you alone. I could even stay here and help you scare them off!“

Tre perked up at that. 

,,You would really do that for me? That’s so nice of you! I could really use your help. After all, you seem to know a lot about vampires.“

Mike grinned and exposed dangerously sharp teeth whose glint told you that they were most definitely not made of plastic.

,,Yeah, I really do.“

THE END


End file.
